"Cooties" used to mean lice. Nowadays in the US, "cooties" refers to an imaginary disease that a boy can give to a girl (or vice versa) by touching her. Normally one kid goes up to another kid, touches their arm and yells "You've got the cooties!" Then they run away. This song uses the earlier definition.

There are many versions of this song. In fact, sometimes the bugs in this song are roaches or mosquitoes and bedbugs.

Notes

Cory Sesko sent the version her mother sang with the following note:

"What a surprise to find versions of this song on-line. An odd children's song to be sure.

Nevertheless imprinted on my young brain. Our mother was always humming or singing growing up. Spontaneously belting into song - especially when we kids bickered.

The version I, and my 9 siblings were taught below. An even odder version, and might be considered politically incorrect today.

🎶🎵 I was standing on a corner doing no harm.
Along came a Copper and took me by the arm.
He took me to a funny place and rang a funny bell.
Along came another and took me to my cell.
I woke up in the morning and there upon the wall,
The bed bugs and the cooties were having a game of ball.
The score was 6 to nothing.
The bedbugs were ahead. T
he cooties hit a homerun and knocked me out of bed. 🎼🎶

Thank you for posting this bit of American history.

Kind Regards,

Cory"
*****

Stephanie Ossendorf sent this version with the note, "My father used to sing this to me when I was a little girl...."

One day while I lay sleeping
And gazed upon the wall
Casey & the bedbugs
Were having a game of ball.

The score was 4 to nothing
The bedbugs were ahead
Casey hit a home run
And knocked us out of bed.
*****

Karina Clarke wrote:

"I've been looking around for a copy of this tune that my grandfather used to sing before bed every night when I was a child. I plan on getting a tattoo relating to the tune in the future! The version he sang was..."

One night as I lay in my bed,
I saw upon the wall,
The cooties and the bedbugs were playing a game of ball,
The score was 1 to nothing,
The bedbugs were ahead,
The cooties hit a home run,
And I fell out of bed.
*****

Carrie Ann Colton wrote, "Here is the version my mother, born in 1945, taught me:

I woke up one morning, looked upon the wall,
The cooties and the bedbugs were having a game of ball.
The score was 9 to nothing, the cookies were ahead.
The bedbugs scored a home run and knocked me out of bed.
They knocked me down to breakfast, the bread was cold and stale, the coffee was tobacco juice, fresh from the county jail.
Oh slide Kelly, slide! Casey's at the bat! Oh Mikey, oh Riley, where'd ya get that hat!
Oh, the bread without the butter and the milk without the cheese. It's just as bad, or maybe worse, as a hug without a squeeze.

Another version

I woke up….
the bedbugs scored a home run
and hit me in the head.
My head was sore for weeks and weeks,
They all laughed and clapped.
But when the ceiling started to leak,
they all went home for a nap!

Oh, it ain't gonna rain no more no more,
it ain't gonna rain no more!
How in the heck can I wash my neck,
if it ain't gonna rain no more!"

*****
Shellea Chesnut wrote:

This is the version my mama used to sing to myself and my two siblings:

I woke up in the morning,
I looked up on the wall,
The cooties and the bedbugs were having a game of ball.
The score was 8 to nothing,
The bedbugs were ahead,
The cooties hit a home run
And knocked me out of bed.
Oh, I went upstairs to eat my breakfast,
This is what I had:
Coffee taste like tobacco juice and butter taste like lard.
Oh, Indian rubber beefsteak,
Indian rubber cheese,
My weenie turned a flip-flop and land right in my peas!"

*****
Steve Keith sent this version:

I was standing on the corner
Not doing any harm
Along came a copper
And took me by the arm

He took me to the corner
And rang a little bell
Along came the paddy wagon
Took me to my cell

5 o'clock in the morning
I looked upon my wall
The bedbugs and the cooties
We're playing a game of ball

The score was 5 to nothing
The cooties were ahead
The bedbugs hit a home run
And knocked me out of bed

Early in the morning
The warden come around
And feeds us on potatoes
That weigh a half a pound
The coffee is like tobacco juice
The bread is hard and stale
And that's the way they feed us
At the Salem county jail.

*****
Sharon B. sent this version:

I woke up early one morning and looked upon the wall
The bedbugs and the cooties we're having a game of ball
The score was nine to nothing. the cooties were ahead
The bedbugs hit a home run and knocked me out of bed
They knocked me down to breakfast, the coffee was too hot.
My mother sent me to the store to get a can of milk.
The grocer gave me peaches, the grocer gave me pears.
The grocer gave me fifteen cents to go to the animal fair.
I went to the animal fair, the birds and the bees were there.
The big baboon by the light of the moon was combing his silky hair.

*****
Emma Trebel wrote, "I'd thought my grandma made this one up herself! I was pleasantly surprised to see there's an archive of similar versions, but didn't see any that matched hers (I've always had [it as] bedbugs and cooties, not the other way around). She was born in 1943 and grew up just outside of Washington, DC.

This is how hers went:

I woke up one fine morning,
and looked upon the wall.
The bedbugs and the cooties
were having a game of ball-ball-ball!

The score was six to nothing,
the cooties were ahead.
The bedbugs made a home run,
and knocked me out of bed-bed-bed!

I went downstairs for breakfast,
the toast was hard as nails,
the coffee tastes like tobacco juice,
and that's my life in jail-jail-jail!

She would always do it as a hand-clapping game with me, too. We'd stand across from each other, starting with your hands in an upright prayer position. The clap for the first word of each verse starts there (each of these claps are synced with one word). You'd reach out with your left hand to meet the other person's left hand, making a diagonal, and clap them. For the next word, you'd return your hand to yourself and clap it against your other one. Then repeat with your right hands, return, etc. On the triple words at the end of each verse, you'd reach up both your hands to clap in a double high-five with the other person on each repetition of the word."

*****
Marcie Martin wrote, "My mom's version. My kids think I made this up. Lol...

As I woke up one morning I looked upon the wall.
The bed bugs and the roaches were having a game of ball.
The score was 9 - nothing the roaches were ahead.
The bed bugs hit a homerun and knocked me out of bed.
As I went down to breakfast the toast was old and stale.
The pumpkin juice was stinking like round the county jail.
We had Indian rubber beef steak and disconnected cheese.
The weiners turned a flip flop and landed in the peas."

Download

Chanted by Jason Pomerantz.

Thanks and Acknowledgements

Thanks to Cory Sesko for sending her mom's version! Thanks to Stephanie Ossendorf for sending her father's version! Thanks to Karina Clarke for sending her grandfather's version. Thanks to Steve Keith for sending his version. Thanks to Monique Palomares for the illustrations! Thanks to Carrie Ann Colton, Karen B., Emma Trebel and Marcie Martin for sending their versions!